1 00:00:00,586 --> 00:00:01,563 - hot in cleveland is recorded 2 00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:03,799 In front of a live Studio audience. 3 00:00:03,823 --> 00:00:06,368 - airplane mirrors Aren't accurate, are they? 4 00:00:06,392 --> 00:00:07,569 - oh, god, no. - of course not. 5 00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:11,239 They get them from fun houses. 6 00:00:11,263 --> 00:00:12,707 - excuse me, are you... 7 00:00:12,731 --> 00:00:14,242 - yes, yes. 8 00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:15,710 I am victoria chase. 9 00:00:15,734 --> 00:00:17,646 One tries to be inconspicuous. 10 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:18,847 - yes. 11 00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:21,817 That hat screams, "Ignore me." 12 00:00:21,841 --> 00:00:24,052 - you know, some fans are Reluctant to approach me 13 00:00:24,076 --> 00:00:25,787 ever since the edge of Tomorrow was cancelled. 14 00:00:25,811 --> 00:00:28,757 Playing honor saint Raven for the past 27 years 15 00:00:28,781 --> 00:00:31,660 Has been a privilege and It is always so gratifying 16 00:00:31,684 --> 00:00:35,363 To meet those that I Have moved and touched. 17 00:00:35,387 --> 00:00:36,731 - actually, what I Was going to ask was, 18 00:00:36,755 --> 00:00:40,068 "Are you comfortable?" 19 00:00:40,092 --> 00:00:42,337 - no, but I will be when You bring me a drink. 20 00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:44,306 - champagne, three. - right away. 21 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:46,975 - okay, victoria, put Away your phone. 22 00:00:46,999 --> 00:00:48,610 Joy, put away your spreadsheets, 23 00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:49,844 I want to have a toast. 24 00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:52,080 Thank you. 25 00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:53,715 Here's to number 122. 26 00:00:53,739 --> 00:00:56,818 Cash in your miles and fly to Paris with your best friends. 27 00:00:56,842 --> 00:00:58,987 Woo-hoo! 28 00:00:59,011 --> 00:01:01,256 This is gonna be fun. - yes. 29 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,692 Ooh. 30 00:01:03,716 --> 00:01:04,893 - oh, I'm gonna get a napkin. 31 00:01:04,917 --> 00:01:08,664 Be right back. 32 00:01:10,889 --> 00:01:12,133 Anders is on the plane. 33 00:01:12,157 --> 00:01:13,869 - your husband, anders? 34 00:01:13,893 --> 00:01:15,537 - oh, my god. Oh, My god. Oh, my god. 35 00:01:15,561 --> 00:01:16,804 - just calm down. 36 00:01:16,828 --> 00:01:18,040 You didn't know he Was going to paris? 37 00:01:18,064 --> 00:01:19,674 - we haven't spoken to Each other in months. 38 00:01:19,698 --> 00:01:20,709 Our lawyers told us not to. 39 00:01:20,733 --> 00:01:21,943 - your lawyers are right. 40 00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,845 Ignore him. 41 00:01:23,869 --> 00:01:25,749 It's just a hideous coincidence. 42 00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:29,784 - yeah, but what if It's not a coincidence? 43 00:01:29,808 --> 00:01:31,386 What if he's missing me too? 44 00:01:31,410 --> 00:01:33,922 And los angeles was filled With so many sad memories, 45 00:01:33,946 --> 00:01:38,092 He's flying to paris To fill a void in his life? 46 00:01:38,116 --> 00:01:39,428 What if this is our 47 00:01:39,452 --> 00:01:41,230 "Meet on top of the empire State building" moment? 48 00:01:41,254 --> 00:01:43,565 - have you been watching Sleepless in seattle again? 49 00:01:43,589 --> 00:01:44,899 - no. 50 00:01:44,923 --> 00:01:46,334 Yes. 51 00:01:46,358 --> 00:01:48,703 But I got it down To once a month. 52 00:01:48,727 --> 00:01:50,572 - you know, I was up For a part in that movie. 53 00:01:50,596 --> 00:01:52,774 - of course you were. 54 00:01:52,798 --> 00:01:54,175 - I'm gonna go talk to him. 55 00:01:54,199 --> 00:01:57,779 - remember, romantic comedies Are like cellulite cures. 56 00:01:57,803 --> 00:02:00,282 Every one of them is a lie. 57 00:02:00,306 --> 00:02:03,985 - oh. - oh, my goodness. 58 00:02:04,009 --> 00:02:05,687 - wow. Melanie. 59 00:02:05,711 --> 00:02:07,022 - anders. - wow. 60 00:02:07,046 --> 00:02:08,457 I didn't see you Get on the plane. 61 00:02:08,481 --> 00:02:10,292 What a surprise. 62 00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:12,226 - you're the one Full of surprises. 63 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,529 Traveling to europe, Reading fiction, 64 00:02:14,553 --> 00:02:16,231 And drinking club soda? 65 00:02:16,255 --> 00:02:17,566 - I know. 66 00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:19,367 Where's your workaholic Drunk of a husband, huh? 67 00:02:19,391 --> 00:02:23,305 - well, I'm divorcing Him, but you... 68 00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:26,808 - hi, I'm kim. 69 00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:30,767 - hi... Kim. 70 00:02:33,405 --> 00:02:35,183 - I haven't even Gone on a date yet 71 00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:38,386 And he's taking His fiancee to paris. 72 00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:40,922 And she's so young. 73 00:02:40,946 --> 00:02:42,390 She's half my age. 74 00:02:42,414 --> 00:02:45,260 - well, darling, that Really isn't that young. 75 00:02:45,284 --> 00:02:46,895 - my fake age. 76 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:49,831 - oh, my god. She's a child. 77 00:02:49,855 --> 00:02:54,269 - I say we kill him and make His underage whore watch. 78 00:02:54,293 --> 00:02:56,304 - listen, I know How painful this is, 79 00:02:56,328 --> 00:02:58,373 But maybe... Maybe This is your chance 80 00:02:58,397 --> 00:03:01,009 To finally move on. 81 00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:03,244 Oh, mel, you deserve So much better. 82 00:03:03,268 --> 00:03:04,645 - she's right. 83 00:03:04,669 --> 00:03:06,982 You're the kindest, most Loving person in the world. 84 00:03:07,006 --> 00:03:09,651 - I hope the plane crashes And kills them both. 85 00:03:10,943 --> 00:03:11,987 - make it stop! 86 00:03:12,011 --> 00:03:14,089 - she didn't cause this! 87 00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:16,158 - whoa! - make it stop! 88 00:03:16,182 --> 00:03:18,026 This is captain reid speaking. 89 00:03:18,050 --> 00:03:19,394 All passengers and Flight attendants 90 00:03:19,418 --> 00:03:22,130 Please take your seats And fasten your seat belts. 91 00:03:25,157 --> 00:03:26,934 - I knew something Like this would happen. 92 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:29,971 All the great ones Go down in planes. 93 00:03:29,995 --> 00:03:32,173 - we've been cleared for An emergency landing. 94 00:03:32,197 --> 00:03:33,197 Please remain calm. 95 00:03:35,501 --> 00:03:36,878 - my god! 96 00:03:36,902 --> 00:03:38,713 All I cared about Was being successful, 97 00:03:38,737 --> 00:03:40,882 And now I'm gonna die And I never got married 98 00:03:40,906 --> 00:03:42,617 Or had children! 99 00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:45,019 - and I never won A daytime emmy! 100 00:03:45,043 --> 00:03:46,154 Not even the season 101 00:03:46,178 --> 00:03:49,157 I so courageously Battled lyme disease! 102 00:03:49,181 --> 00:03:51,126 - and I've never done Anything impulsive 103 00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:54,529 Except get on this plane And look where that got me! 104 00:03:54,553 --> 00:03:57,598 - I need everyone To brace for impact. 105 00:03:57,622 --> 00:03:58,799 - I love you guys. 106 00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,468 - I love you too. 107 00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:02,370 - and I swear that If I survive this, 108 00:04:02,394 --> 00:04:04,373 I am going to Stop being so vain. 109 00:04:04,397 --> 00:04:06,074 - and scared of everything. 110 00:04:06,098 --> 00:04:09,110 - and I'm never gonna Complain about anything 111 00:04:09,134 --> 00:04:11,747 Ever, ever again. 112 00:04:14,373 --> 00:04:16,218 - we have safely Landed in cleveland. 113 00:04:16,242 --> 00:04:20,088 All: cleveland? 114 00:04:22,715 --> 00:04:24,993 - ♪ ba ba ba ba ♪ 115 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:27,028 ♪ ba ba ba ba ♪ 116 00:04:27,052 --> 00:04:28,096 ♪ ♪ 117 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,697 - well, great. 118 00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:32,934 My husband's engaged and We're in a dive bar in cleveland. 119 00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:34,602 - look, I googled "Cleveland" And "Get hammered," 120 00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:36,871 And this is what came up. 121 00:04:36,895 --> 00:04:40,297 Along with some very Disturbing pictures of drew carey. 122 00:04:43,235 --> 00:04:46,114 - why are the men Looking at us like that? 123 00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:50,218 - no, I get recognized a Lot, but this is different. 124 00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:54,121 - I remember that Look. It's... Desire. 125 00:04:54,145 --> 00:04:56,391 - oh. 126 00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:59,060 - they're looking at us. 127 00:04:59,084 --> 00:05:01,629 in l.A., they look past us. 128 00:05:01,653 --> 00:05:02,763 - ladies. - how you doing? 129 00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:03,865 - yeah. - how you doing? 130 00:05:03,889 --> 00:05:07,435 - hello. - hey. 131 00:05:07,459 --> 00:05:10,071 - I feel young and hot... 132 00:05:10,095 --> 00:05:11,606 Like they're undressing Me with their eyes 133 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:14,209 And not finding spanx. 134 00:05:14,233 --> 00:05:16,844 - to think that we spend All that time and effort 135 00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:18,713 And money trying to Look ten years younger 136 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,648 And ten pounds lighter, And all we had to do 137 00:05:20,672 --> 00:05:22,617 Was crash-land in cleveland. 138 00:05:22,641 --> 00:05:25,987 - where all the men Look like real men 139 00:05:26,011 --> 00:05:28,589 And the women Look like real women. 140 00:05:28,613 --> 00:05:33,428 - and everyone's eating And no one's ashamed. 141 00:05:33,452 --> 00:05:35,496 - I'm gonna order chili fries. 142 00:05:37,656 --> 00:05:39,233 - are your chili fries good? 143 00:05:39,257 --> 00:05:41,570 - can lebron james jump? 144 00:05:41,594 --> 00:05:44,739 - can who do what now? 145 00:05:44,763 --> 00:05:47,575 - they're good. 146 00:05:47,599 --> 00:05:50,378 - we'll have three orders and... 147 00:05:50,402 --> 00:05:51,580 Three not-light beers. 148 00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:55,517 - coming right up, and the Guys at that table over there 149 00:05:55,541 --> 00:05:57,586 Would like for you to join them. 150 00:05:57,610 --> 00:06:01,957 - look how adorably Heterosexual they are. 151 00:06:01,981 --> 00:06:05,260 In l.A., it's always a question. 152 00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:07,261 Okay, girls. 153 00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:08,529 Let's go have some fun. 154 00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:09,764 - oh, why the hell not? - wait, wait, wait. 155 00:06:09,788 --> 00:06:11,165 Are you sure? 156 00:06:11,189 --> 00:06:13,234 - we appear to have Landed in a dimension 157 00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:15,603 Where men hit on Women their own age. 158 00:06:15,627 --> 00:06:20,041 We owe it to science To investigate. 159 00:06:20,065 --> 00:06:22,277 - oh, are you guys leaving? 160 00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:24,546 - no, we're just pulling Your chairs out for you. 161 00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:27,215 - ♪ they have gentlemen here ♪ - nice. 162 00:06:29,775 --> 00:06:31,519 - have an onion ring. - wow. 163 00:06:31,543 --> 00:06:33,187 I might do that. 164 00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:34,789 - hi, my name is hank. 165 00:06:34,813 --> 00:06:36,157 - hi, hank. Melanie. 166 00:06:36,181 --> 00:06:37,825 - I'm bill. - james. 167 00:06:37,849 --> 00:06:39,394 - and this is joy and I'm... 168 00:06:39,418 --> 00:06:40,461 - we know who you are. 169 00:06:40,485 --> 00:06:42,230 Victoria chase. 170 00:06:42,254 --> 00:06:43,631 - I got addicted to Edge of tomorrow 171 00:06:43,655 --> 00:06:44,999 One summer I got laid up. 172 00:06:45,023 --> 00:06:46,701 It was the year you Were honor saint raven 173 00:06:46,725 --> 00:06:48,470 And her evil sister Silver saint raven. 174 00:06:48,494 --> 00:06:51,906 - and her even eviler Sister magnolia saint raven. 175 00:06:53,632 --> 00:06:55,710 You know, many daytime Actors have done dual roles, 176 00:06:55,734 --> 00:06:58,613 But I was the first One to tackle a triple. 177 00:06:58,637 --> 00:07:01,582 And the emmy goes to... 178 00:07:01,606 --> 00:07:03,451 Susan lucci. 179 00:07:03,475 --> 00:07:05,687 Finally! 180 00:07:05,711 --> 00:07:07,621 - so, melanie, are You an actress too? 181 00:07:07,645 --> 00:07:09,757 - oh, no, no. 182 00:07:09,781 --> 00:07:11,459 - oh, well, you could be. 183 00:07:11,483 --> 00:07:13,294 You know, you remind me of That really pretty actress 184 00:07:13,318 --> 00:07:15,629 Who was in that... That movie. 185 00:07:15,653 --> 00:07:17,498 I can't remember her name. 186 00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:22,170 - it doesn't matter. 187 00:07:22,194 --> 00:07:24,139 - so what brings you guys here? 188 00:07:24,163 --> 00:07:26,274 - well, actually, we're On our way to paris. 189 00:07:26,298 --> 00:07:27,708 - yes, melanie wrote This book called 190 00:07:27,732 --> 00:07:29,678 200 things every woman Should do before she dies, 191 00:07:29,702 --> 00:07:32,914 And she figured she really Should do at least one of them. 192 00:07:32,938 --> 00:07:36,184 - yes, and number 122 is fly to Paris with your best friends. 193 00:07:36,208 --> 00:07:38,519 - wow. A writer and an actress. 194 00:07:38,543 --> 00:07:40,021 So what do you do? 195 00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:43,024 - you're looking at the Eyebrow queen of beverly hills. 196 00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:45,026 I do a lot of celebrities. 197 00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:46,394 Mostly women. 198 00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:48,630 Oprah, cher, ryan seacrest. 199 00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:53,802 - shot in the dark. 200 00:07:53,826 --> 00:07:56,071 Are you ladies all unattached? 201 00:07:56,095 --> 00:07:57,739 - at the moment. 202 00:07:57,763 --> 00:07:59,573 Melanie's going Through a divorce 203 00:07:59,597 --> 00:08:01,776 And victoria's been Married, like, 20 times. 204 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,377 - which in l.A. Is, like, five, 205 00:08:03,401 --> 00:08:06,414 And for an actress Is barely one. 206 00:08:06,438 --> 00:08:08,049 - here we go, ladies. 207 00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:10,317 - oh, wow. 208 00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:13,954 - only cheese fries? 209 00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:18,859 You girls are light eaters, huh? 210 00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:20,661 - to cleveland! 211 00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:28,836 - god, what were we thinking? 212 00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:32,507 Alcohol and salt and trans fats? 213 00:08:32,531 --> 00:08:33,842 - I know. 214 00:08:33,866 --> 00:08:35,577 French fry grease Is literally sweating 215 00:08:35,601 --> 00:08:38,713 From my pores. 216 00:08:40,872 --> 00:08:43,385 - I wonder if mel's up yet. 217 00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:48,890 - I'll call her. 218 00:08:48,914 --> 00:08:51,993 Melanie moretti's room, please. 219 00:08:52,017 --> 00:08:53,194 Really? 220 00:08:53,218 --> 00:08:56,898 She never checked in. 221 00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:58,066 Should we be worried? 222 00:08:58,090 --> 00:08:59,200 - no, it's melanie. 223 00:08:59,224 --> 00:09:03,104 She never does anything crazy. 224 00:09:06,732 --> 00:09:10,545 - I'm moving to cleveland. 225 00:09:10,569 --> 00:09:14,682 - you're such a little slut. 226 00:09:14,706 --> 00:09:17,484 - I know, right? 227 00:09:17,508 --> 00:09:18,585 Oh, my god. 228 00:09:18,609 --> 00:09:22,223 You guys, hank is so Amazing and sweet. 229 00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:25,860 He told me that I was luscious. 230 00:09:25,884 --> 00:09:28,362 He said I was delicious. 231 00:09:28,386 --> 00:09:33,802 - I tell you, it's the French fry grease. 232 00:09:33,826 --> 00:09:35,536 - he's a plumber. 233 00:09:36,829 --> 00:09:38,206 Right? Right? 234 00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,008 I mean, how many times Have we fantasized 235 00:09:40,032 --> 00:09:43,278 About a man who could Actually fix things? 236 00:09:43,302 --> 00:09:46,147 He showed me all around Cleveland and I'm telling you, 237 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:47,482 It's nothing like we think. 238 00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:50,217 They have symphonies and Museums and light opera. 239 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,652 Okay, so nobody really Likes those things, 240 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,788 But they have 'em! 241 00:09:53,812 --> 00:09:55,457 - listen, we hear What you're saying, 242 00:09:55,481 --> 00:09:58,960 But you've lost Your freaking mind. 243 00:09:58,984 --> 00:10:01,128 - I'm telling you, you guys, I'm moving to cleveland. 244 00:10:01,152 --> 00:10:04,098 - melanie, friends don't let Friends move to cleveland. 245 00:10:04,122 --> 00:10:07,057 - just take a look At this listing. 246 00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:15,142 - "For sale or lease, Victorian with guest cottage, 247 00:10:15,166 --> 00:10:17,211 7,000 square feet..." 248 00:10:17,235 --> 00:10:21,415 Well, that price has Got to be missing a zero. 249 00:10:21,439 --> 00:10:22,884 - oh, my god. 250 00:10:22,908 --> 00:10:24,651 - I know, right? It's amazing, huh? 251 00:10:24,675 --> 00:10:27,388 - no, it's a picture of oprah. 252 00:10:27,412 --> 00:10:29,123 Look at those brows. 253 00:10:29,147 --> 00:10:31,425 That's not my arch. 254 00:10:31,449 --> 00:10:33,328 She's being plucked By someone else. 255 00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:35,330 - it was probably retouched. 256 00:10:35,354 --> 00:10:37,231 I mean, I get all Of my photos... 257 00:10:37,255 --> 00:10:40,334 I mean, I hear that People do do that. 258 00:10:40,358 --> 00:10:43,004 - I've built my business On being the salon 259 00:10:43,028 --> 00:10:44,972 That does oprah's brows. 260 00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:47,274 This is the work of that Russian chick on rodeo. 261 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:51,278 Bloody foreigners. 262 00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:54,148 - well, would looking at Cheap real estate cheer you up? 263 00:10:54,172 --> 00:10:58,786 - probably not, but I just Can't lie here licking my wounds. 264 00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:00,744 Although... 265 00:11:05,684 --> 00:11:06,828 - I love it. 266 00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,195 I'll take it. 267 00:11:08,219 --> 00:11:09,664 - what are you doing? 268 00:11:09,688 --> 00:11:11,699 We're getting on a plane For paris tomorrow. 269 00:11:11,723 --> 00:11:13,867 - I was going to Paris to find romance, 270 00:11:13,891 --> 00:11:18,573 But I've found it here, and I get to keep all my miles. 271 00:11:18,597 --> 00:11:19,741 - melanie, this is crazy. 272 00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,575 - look, it's a Month-to-month lease, 273 00:11:21,599 --> 00:11:23,711 And a month here costs The same as a night in paris. 274 00:11:23,735 --> 00:11:25,847 Here you go. - and here you go. 275 00:11:25,871 --> 00:11:27,882 Now there's just one Thing about this place 276 00:11:27,906 --> 00:11:29,584 That I should mention. 277 00:11:29,608 --> 00:11:31,819 - why are you renting To prostitutes? 278 00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,260 - this is elka ostrovsky. 279 00:11:39,284 --> 00:11:41,429 She's a caretaker who Comes with the house, 280 00:11:41,453 --> 00:11:42,597 If you wish to retain her. 281 00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:44,833 She stays out in The guest cottage. 282 00:11:44,857 --> 00:11:47,702 I'll leave you to get All that worked out. 283 00:11:51,863 --> 00:11:53,875 - hi. I'm melanie. 284 00:11:53,899 --> 00:11:55,276 I'm gonna be leasing the place. 285 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,411 - I've been the Caretaker of this house 286 00:11:57,435 --> 00:12:01,716 For 50 years, but You can kick me out. 287 00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:03,584 I... I wouldn't... 288 00:12:03,608 --> 00:12:04,886 - oh, no worries. 289 00:12:04,910 --> 00:12:06,687 If you can escape From the nazis, 290 00:12:06,711 --> 00:12:09,424 You can handle anything. 291 00:12:09,448 --> 00:12:11,960 - you escaped from the nazis? 292 00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:17,131 - escaping from the nazis Was the least of my worries. 293 00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:20,735 - well, you don't Hear that very often. 294 00:12:20,759 --> 00:12:23,604 So what are you, like, 100? 295 00:12:23,628 --> 00:12:25,740 - I don't like you. 296 00:12:27,432 --> 00:12:29,243 Aren't you that Girl from that show? 297 00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:31,579 - yes, yes, I am. Are you a fan? 298 00:12:31,603 --> 00:12:35,149 - no. 299 00:12:35,173 --> 00:12:39,119 When it was cancelled, I said, "Good riddance." 300 00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:43,224 But I do like that One with susan lucci. 301 00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:50,698 - does anyone else smell pot? 302 00:12:50,722 --> 00:12:52,467 - what are you, a cop? 303 00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:54,268 - no. 304 00:12:54,292 --> 00:12:56,337 - then what's it to you? 305 00:12:59,531 --> 00:13:01,409 - I can't wait to tell hank. 306 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:02,477 He said he'd call. 307 00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:06,747 Both: they all say they'll call. 308 00:13:09,207 --> 00:13:12,753 - ah, it's him. It's him. 309 00:13:12,777 --> 00:13:14,989 - that's shameful. 310 00:13:15,013 --> 00:13:19,961 I haven't even looked At another man since 1949. 311 00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:22,330 When the husband dies, you die. 312 00:13:22,354 --> 00:13:24,799 - but you're not dead. 313 00:13:24,823 --> 00:13:27,534 - inside you die. 314 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:30,704 Oh, you still Maintain the shell. 315 00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:36,944 - I have a date. 316 00:13:36,968 --> 00:13:39,847 My first date in 25 years. 317 00:13:39,871 --> 00:13:41,849 He wants me to meet him at The windy highland marina. 318 00:13:41,873 --> 00:13:42,950 Do you know where that is? 319 00:13:42,974 --> 00:13:47,021 - it's where whores go. 320 00:13:47,045 --> 00:13:49,123 You're too old to act like this. 321 00:13:49,147 --> 00:13:50,224 - she's not old. 322 00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,693 40 is the new 30. 323 00:13:51,717 --> 00:13:53,361 - and 50 is the new 40. 324 00:13:53,385 --> 00:13:54,662 - what's 80? 325 00:13:54,686 --> 00:13:56,797 - it's still 80. 326 00:13:56,821 --> 00:14:02,003 - and I still don't like you. 327 00:14:02,027 --> 00:14:03,371 - well, apparently I have a caretaker, 328 00:14:03,395 --> 00:14:04,672 Whatever that means. 329 00:14:04,696 --> 00:14:06,607 I also have a date. 330 00:14:06,631 --> 00:14:08,376 Hank is making dinner For me on his boat. 331 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,580 - plumbers in cleveland Can afford boats? 332 00:14:12,604 --> 00:14:13,914 - this is crazy. 333 00:14:13,938 --> 00:14:15,749 You're uprooting your Whole life for some guy 334 00:14:15,773 --> 00:14:17,151 You met at a bar? 335 00:14:17,175 --> 00:14:19,320 - I mean, what do you Even know about this guy? 336 00:14:19,344 --> 00:14:21,689 - I know that I've Never felt so alive. 337 00:14:21,713 --> 00:14:22,890 And you know what? 338 00:14:22,914 --> 00:14:24,692 Maybe at our age, 339 00:14:24,716 --> 00:14:26,561 We're just supposed to Pounce on these things. 340 00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:28,863 My kids are in college. 341 00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:32,366 Anders has clearly moved on. 342 00:14:32,390 --> 00:14:34,202 So why am I gonna Rush back to l.A. 343 00:14:34,226 --> 00:14:37,105 And a very empty house? 344 00:14:37,129 --> 00:14:41,341 Don't wait up. 345 00:14:41,365 --> 00:14:42,710 - what are you doing? 346 00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,612 - what melanie should have done. 347 00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:46,247 Googling hank. 348 00:14:46,271 --> 00:14:47,448 - ah, good idea. 349 00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:48,682 - let's find out about this guy. 350 00:14:48,706 --> 00:14:51,786 - put in "Hank, Plumber, cleveland, 351 00:14:51,810 --> 00:14:54,254 Windy highland marina." 352 00:14:54,278 --> 00:14:56,591 - this is why the Internet was invented: 353 00:14:56,615 --> 00:14:58,325 For men to find pictures Of naked celebrities 354 00:14:58,349 --> 00:15:01,362 And women to cyber-stalk The men they trust. 355 00:15:01,386 --> 00:15:02,430 - oh, look. 356 00:15:02,454 --> 00:15:03,831 Okay, here's an image of him 357 00:15:03,855 --> 00:15:06,334 From a month ago with... 358 00:15:06,358 --> 00:15:07,802 Both: his wife. 359 00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:11,994 - well, who didn't See that coming? 360 00:15:17,803 --> 00:15:19,680 - so what would be on your list? 361 00:15:19,704 --> 00:15:21,916 - honestly? - no, lie to me. 362 00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:23,184 - ha! 363 00:15:23,208 --> 00:15:28,189 Honestly, I have always Wanted to learn... 364 00:15:28,213 --> 00:15:29,724 To tango. 365 00:15:29,748 --> 00:15:31,292 Yeah. 366 00:15:31,316 --> 00:15:32,960 Rose in my teeth. The whole bit. 367 00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:33,994 - oh, my god. Me too! 368 00:15:34,018 --> 00:15:35,029 - really? - yes. 369 00:15:35,053 --> 00:15:36,130 Let's do it together. 370 00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:39,134 - that would be... I'd really... 371 00:15:39,158 --> 00:15:40,200 Really like that. 372 00:15:40,224 --> 00:15:44,505 Um, melanie, there's, uh... 373 00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:46,207 There's something I really Think you should know, 374 00:15:46,231 --> 00:15:50,111 And I have been picturing Myself telling you 375 00:15:50,135 --> 00:15:53,214 And coming up with these Really awful scenarios. 376 00:15:53,238 --> 00:15:56,551 Both: he's married! 377 00:15:56,575 --> 00:15:59,954 - not that bad, but Kind of like that. 378 00:15:59,978 --> 00:16:01,789 - oh, my god. 379 00:16:01,813 --> 00:16:03,724 That's what you were trying... 380 00:16:03,748 --> 00:16:05,292 Oh, my god. - no. 381 00:16:05,316 --> 00:16:06,761 Melanie, please. - oh, no, no. 382 00:16:06,785 --> 00:16:08,797 Please don't. Stop, stop, stop! 383 00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:10,531 - you can just leave. 384 00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:12,200 - but this is my boat. 385 00:16:12,224 --> 00:16:15,803 - just go! 386 00:16:15,827 --> 00:16:17,561 - please just don't. 387 00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:24,078 - honey, what can we do? 388 00:16:24,102 --> 00:16:26,614 - let's kill him. 389 00:16:26,638 --> 00:16:28,382 - that's your solution To everything. 390 00:16:28,406 --> 00:16:31,352 - well, could we Just try it once? 391 00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:37,158 - I just wanted to Feel young and stupid. 392 00:16:37,182 --> 00:16:39,861 Now I just feel stupid. 393 00:16:39,885 --> 00:16:41,863 Stupid and old. 394 00:16:41,887 --> 00:16:43,364 - you're not old. 395 00:16:43,388 --> 00:16:44,999 40 is the new 25. 396 00:16:45,023 --> 00:16:47,102 - I thought 40 was the new 30. 397 00:16:47,126 --> 00:16:48,736 - well, if we're just Gonna make crap up, 398 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,106 I'd rather be 25. 399 00:16:52,498 --> 00:16:54,309 - excuse me. - I said go away! 400 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:55,643 - there's something I need to say. 401 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,645 - I think you've said And done quite enough. 402 00:16:57,669 --> 00:17:01,215 - I didn't go to that Bar with this in mind, 403 00:17:01,239 --> 00:17:04,318 But then three incredibly Beautiful, sophisticated women 404 00:17:04,342 --> 00:17:06,053 Came in and sat Down at my table. 405 00:17:06,077 --> 00:17:08,022 - go on. 406 00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:14,595 - melanie, you were so Breathtakingly beautiful 407 00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:16,130 That I couldn't stop myself. 408 00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:19,768 I am a plumber who's Stuck in a bad marriage 409 00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:21,602 And who hurt someone He never should have hurt. 410 00:17:21,626 --> 00:17:25,306 I am so sorry. 411 00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:26,674 - well, for Sophisticated ladies, 412 00:17:26,698 --> 00:17:29,811 Maybe we shouldn't have Burst in on you like that. 413 00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:31,946 But when one of Us is in trouble, 414 00:17:31,970 --> 00:17:34,381 Then nothing else In the world matters. 415 00:17:35,674 --> 00:17:36,984 Oh, my god. It's my agent. 416 00:17:37,008 --> 00:17:38,386 Okay, everybody, just shut up. 417 00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:40,989 He thinks I'm in paris. 418 00:17:41,013 --> 00:17:44,125 oui, hello? 419 00:17:44,149 --> 00:17:46,294 Yes? Hi. 420 00:17:46,318 --> 00:17:48,930 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 421 00:17:48,954 --> 00:17:51,265 Well, let's talk tomorrow. 422 00:17:51,289 --> 00:17:53,601 Well, I, uh, have an audition 423 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,770 for the next transformers movie. 424 00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:57,972 - oh, what part? 425 00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:03,178 - to play megan Fox's grandmother. 426 00:18:03,202 --> 00:18:05,680 - if anybody thinks you look Like a grandma, they're crazy. 427 00:18:05,704 --> 00:18:07,081 - oh, thank you. 428 00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:08,183 He's a keeper. 429 00:18:13,845 --> 00:18:15,055 - oh, god. 430 00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:18,325 I don't want to audition For grandmother parts. 431 00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:20,895 I loved being the Queen of daytime. 432 00:18:20,919 --> 00:18:23,730 - I've put everything Into my business. 433 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:26,233 If that doesn't work Out, I've got nothing. 434 00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:30,237 - or you have the chance To change something. 435 00:18:30,261 --> 00:18:32,239 Number 72. 436 00:18:32,263 --> 00:18:35,843 Reinvent yourself. 437 00:18:35,867 --> 00:18:38,479 Oh, god. I really Want to do that. 438 00:18:38,503 --> 00:18:41,314 I know it may sound crazy, 439 00:18:41,338 --> 00:18:44,652 But I think I want To do that here. 440 00:18:44,676 --> 00:18:46,820 - you're not gonna Become one of those women 441 00:18:46,844 --> 00:18:50,491 Who like themselves, are you? 442 00:18:50,515 --> 00:18:53,560 'cause everybody Hates those women. 443 00:18:53,584 --> 00:18:55,963 - let me ask you something. 444 00:18:55,987 --> 00:19:00,367 What's the deal with Old ladies and tracksuits? 445 00:19:00,391 --> 00:19:01,502 - well, it's simple. 446 00:19:01,526 --> 00:19:03,704 In your 20s, you dress for men. 447 00:19:03,728 --> 00:19:06,540 In your 40s, you Dress for success. 448 00:19:06,564 --> 00:19:09,710 In your 80s, you dress For the bathroom. 449 00:19:11,469 --> 00:19:14,670 Shove over, bones. 450 00:19:22,547 --> 00:19:25,025 So too bad about That married guy. 451 00:19:25,049 --> 00:19:27,895 - oh, yeah. 452 00:19:27,919 --> 00:19:31,799 - when I was your age, we didn't Get into that kind of trouble. 453 00:19:31,823 --> 00:19:35,135 My husband was the Only man I ever dated. 454 00:19:35,159 --> 00:19:37,337 - well, didn't you ever Want to try another one out, 455 00:19:37,361 --> 00:19:39,240 I mean, you know, Just to compare? 456 00:19:43,635 --> 00:19:45,479 - well, that's a sinful thought. 457 00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,084 - so you okay, mel? 458 00:19:51,108 --> 00:19:52,853 - yeah, yeah, I'm Good. I'm good. 459 00:19:52,877 --> 00:19:54,888 And you guys have a very Early flight tomorrow, 460 00:19:54,912 --> 00:19:57,591 So please just go to paris And have a wonderful time. 461 00:19:57,615 --> 00:19:58,926 - I don't know. 462 00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:02,329 Somehow I can't seem to get Excited about paris anymore. 463 00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:04,064 No melanie. 464 00:20:04,088 --> 00:20:06,567 - you know, joy... 465 00:20:06,591 --> 00:20:08,001 Instead of two weeks in paris, 466 00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:09,969 We could spend two Weeks in cleveland. 467 00:20:09,993 --> 00:20:13,207 I mean, the paris of ohio. 468 00:20:13,231 --> 00:20:15,175 - no, that's toledo. 469 00:20:18,269 --> 00:20:20,714 - so what should we do now? 470 00:20:20,738 --> 00:20:23,116 - I say we go to that bar 471 00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:24,518 Where the men think we're hot. 472 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:26,586 - I'll drive.